When I first stepped into the Mount Nelson Hotel I felt like Eliza Doolittle in Pygmalion (or as it is more famously known on stage and screen: My Fair Lady) – the entire places oozes Edwardian elegance. Famous for its morning and afternoon teas, I had heard and read about it so much that I decided it was high time I try it. I was glad to go with a close friend from the theatre, who would appreciate the look and feel of the place and the era it evoked. I felt like Professor Higgins as I sank into an incredibly comfortable, wing-backed armchair and was tempted to call for my slippers.

It was a cold and wet day and the lounge was filled with chattering old ladies taking in their tea. As much as I try to refrain from describing any habit or activity along gender lines, this is definitely something for the ladies. Perhaps in Edwardian times tastes were different, but I cannot envision too many men fitting in comfortably here, particular many South African men.

This may be the closest we can get to time travel, as you feel placed in another world. However, although my love of George Bernard Shaw made me fall in love with the surroundings there is, at the same time, something truly wretched and absolutely sickening about being surrounded by the Empire in the new and modern South Africa and I felt a sense of shame and wounded national pride.

On first sight, the hotel’s evocation of a time gone by is impressive and walking through the interior later on I was struck with an even deeper sense of awe. However, there is a lack of attention to detail that is quite a bother.

Firstly the staff, although incredibly friendly, are extremely unhelpful as they are more caught up in their own conversation than in serving you. Having booked a morning tea, we had no idea what to order or who would serve us and we had to flag down a waitress and ask her about three times for further help.

We ordered a pot of hot chocolate, which arrived in a white pot served in white cups and saucers and was laid out on a little table covered by a white tablecloth, making everything look very drab and plain. They could really do with either an embroidered tablecloth or patterned cups and saucers to break the clinical whiteness. We were delighted at the sugar cubes served in a dainty sugar pot, but this effect was ruined by the crude stash of bright orange canderel next to it. If you are going to have a morning tea with pastries, scones and the like, then putting canderel in your tea is like eating a doughnut on the treadmill.

There is a wide range of teas to choose from and you may drink as much as you like (except for the more select imported teas, for which you pay extra); but it is unlikely you will manage more than one pot of anything. We didn’t get past the hot chocolate to even try and sample some of the teas. We received a fine selection of cucumber, salmon and egg sandwiches; along with scones, doughnuts, pastries and quiche. It was delicious and filling, but we joked that that they had probably thrust the remnants of the restaurant’s leftovers from last night into the sandwiches, which is probably not too far from the truth.

It is something else to feel as if you have stepped into another world and a time gone by, but the lack of care and the air of neglect is a pity. Having walked through their more modern bar and the opulent dining area, I am eager to see whether the experience there is better. The tea, however, is not quite…well, my cup of tea. I felt even more like Professor Higgins, as the old ladies sitting a few tables away from us chattered incessantly and their voices grated on my nerves. I loath being surrounded by a large gaggle of gossiping girls and as Professor Higgins rightly says “in a line that never ends, come an army of her friends, come to jabber and to chatter and to tell her what the matter is with you”.

Originally published on Dinner and a Movie